Insecurity arises from a constant doubt about oneself, about one's capabilities and competences. We can feel insecure at various moments in our lives: financial, personal, emotional, social. But, a higher level of insecurity is existential insecurity .

It is an emotional state of inferiority, which makes a person feel that he or she is not good enough to accomplish a certain task or to be loved, accepted, or recognized. Insecurity brings a feeling of incapacity and not deserving, even if the situation shows otherwise.

Insecurity and fear

The feeling can be the result of fear: fear of failure, of being frustrated, of giving up, of being rejected, of being criticized, of losing someone important.

Remembering that fear is an emotion that protects us from risky situations, that makes us stop to think before we act, and can impel us to action or paralyze us. Thus, an insecure person has difficulty in taking on tasks and shirks his or her responsibilities, because they don't know how to deal with the consequences and are always looking for support from other people, always willing to take orders,

However, in this way, they feel freer of their own decisions and do not feel directly guilty if by chance something does not work out.

Those who are insecure feel inferior in relation to other people, they think others are better. There is an excessive preoccupation with pleasing the other. And, consequently, the fear of disappointment and of being rejected or criticized.

The feeling of fear is an important protection mechanism that interferes in decisions and actions; many fears and insecurities are unconscious and harmful, especially at times when opportunities are lost because of insecurity.

The most common fears are related to what are our greatest needs. We need to feel secure in terms of affection, that we are liked, that we are valued, whether from a personal or professional point of view.

To the extent that any of these needs are delayed in being met, the likelihood increases that we will entertain unreasonable ideas about what we are capable of, what we are worth, or what others think about us.

Insecurity and self-esteem

High self-esteem is related to a sense of confidence and adequacy, of feeling competent and worthy. Insecure people fight a constant inner battle, a permanent desire to show themselves superior. Watch for the signs:

Fear of criticism and judgments

If the fear of being rejected or criticized has been constant in your life, your unconscious has probably registered these feelings at some point, and they may be interfering negatively in several areas of your life.

A betrayal, for example, can trigger enormous insecurity, while a child who grows up hearing a lot of criticism can develop the belief that he or she is incapable of accomplishing anything.

Also read: How to speak what you feel and what you think

Constant need to show off their achievements

The expectation of being recognized can unconsciously generate your ability to act in other situations, especially when you have to do something different, needing to get out of your comfort zone.

In the weight loss process, for example, this is a common occurrence. Thoughts such as "nobody noticed that I lost weight" or "nobody understands my sacrifice" generate expectation and frustration.

Insecurity x low self-esteem

Sabotaging feelings, such as the diet won't work, your looks are ugly, you're not smart enough, among many other thoughts that trigger anxiety and low self-esteem, and can lead to depression.

Also read: How to be kinder to yourself

Always be on the defensive

Being on the defensive is a protective mechanism, many times unconsciously we use attack, criticism, irony, sarcasm, or even offensive language, giving us the feeling of having the situation under control.

Far from having this control or feeling protected, this behavior of standing guard brings a lot of tension, rigidity and anxiety.

Being aware of the signs can help reflect your needs and strengthen your self-confidence. Believe that life is not a straight line, and that feeling insecure at times is part of our learning.

Tips to overcome insecurity and take action

Strengthen your self-esteem

Analyze how your self-esteem is, notice how you see yourself, how you recognize yourself, what your expectations are. Identify your weaknesses, be yourself, like yourself, with affection and admiration. Thus, if you are able to accept yourself, you will have more security in your actions and decisions.

Give up the belief of being perfect

Perfection does not exist. Perfectionism is fed by your fear of making a mistake. This fear can prevent you from making the best choices.

Notice how often you have stopped accomplishing something because you were afraid, because you didn't feel you could do it. Then, notice what were the thoughts that limited you. Think about where these limiting beliefs were born and who told you these things.

Recall moments when you were victorious and go on deconstructing each of these beliefs that paralyze your life, so that insecurity may be just a way of thinking and that you can replace each of them with positive and fulfilling beliefs.

Seek self-knowledge

Try to know yourself, your history, your personality, qualities, your strengths and also your weaknesses, and how you relate and behave in relation to the fact that you feel insecure, because everything is important in this process to identify where your insecurity is and, from there, promote small changes to change this condition.

Past insecurity must stay in the past

Think about it: aren't you carrying limiting beliefs from your childhood days? Because if yesterday you couldn't accomplish something, maybe today you can.

Sometimes a person believes that he or she is insecure in a certain respect, but this feeling is based on an experience from a long time ago that may no longer be real.

For example, there are people who for years have thought that they are unable to lose weight, and others who, because of a youthful experience, think that public speaking is too difficult.

Avoid repeating old insecurities to yourself when, in fact, the reality is no longer the same. In this way, this repetition can favor the permanence of insecurity in your life

Don't give up

It could be that insecurity is linked to the feeling of not insisting, of having let go, which paralyzes the human being, that is, he stays in the same place, waiting to be done for him or for something to happen.

It is a fact, we are not born secure, full of points of view, ready. But rather, we gradually constitute them, in a constant process of movement. In this way, don't give up on your projects, on your objectives.

To ponder

Certainly, even the most confident person sometimes still feels insecure in some situations.

Avoid comparisons. The only person you are allowed to compare yourself to is yourself, so be your best self, focus on your good points and strengthen the ones you consider to be weak. Finally, develop the act of reflecting and rethinking your thoughts, so be generous, be kind to yourself, and treat yourself with respect and care.

Linda Vieira - Clinical Psychologist with Phenomenological-Existential approach. Experience in: depression, phobias, stress, anxiety, sexuality, relationships and fears. Partner in the Tecnonutri Weight Loss Program.